I am a Hurricane.

i really scare myself sometimes. it scares me that i want to leave my house right now but i can’t. it scares me that i need to leave my house cause i don’t know what i’m going to do if i stay, or if i leave. it scares me that i have no one to talk to cause people will not get it. it scares me that i won’t even post this cause i don’t want anyone to know how insane i am. it scares me that i want them to know. it scares me that you don’t know me. it scares me that you won’t see me. it scares me that you don’t care enough too. it scares me that you don’t love me. it scares me that i love you. it scares me that i don’t even know if i do. it scares me that i don’t know who i am or what i want. it scares me that things get this bad. it scares me that tomorrow i’ll pretend i’m fine. it scares me that no one knows i’m like this. it scares me that i suck at school. it scares me that i’m not sleeping now. it scares me that i’m not normal. it scares me that everyone can get by but me. it scares me that i can’t handle this. it scares me that i can’t talk to you about things anymore. it scares me that you love me. it scares me that i think i never loved you. it scares me that its been three years. it scares me that today ended 5 years of a part of me that music created. it scares me that i’m crying. it scares me that i’m okay with dying right now. it scares me that all my friends are away. it scares me that i never want to leave. it scares that i know i need to get out of here. it scares me that i don’t know if i ever will. it scares me that i have such big goals. it scares me that i have no talents. it scares that i’m writing this. it scares me that i’m at this point. it scares me that you still lie to me. it scares me that you always did. it scares me that you still listen to me. it scares me that i still even talk to you. it scares me that youre not outside. it scares me that i wish you were. it scares me that i’m so mean to you. it scares me cause i do it cause i know i can. it scares me that i’m able to be that mean. fuck.

the worst was finding oneself in such murderous shape. playing a game of roulette with your heart sometimes makes you think you like the ache. it keeps you alive, it keeps you feeling something. it keeps you aware that the cavity of your chest, isn’t just an empty space.