For me, one of the scariest feelings is being unsure. In January I really thought I knew what I was doing with my life- I thought I knew what I wanted, what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be with, blah blah blah. Now I literally know none of the above, couldn’t even give myself the slightest idea of any of it. It’s actually terrifying to watch everyone get their shit together and go after what they want while I, literally, lie in bed dreading getting up. When I want something bad enough I usually go after it until I get it, but that’s the problem, I don’t know what I want at all. I have no motivation because I have no reason to have any motivation. I have no nothing to go after. I never thought that I’d be this type of person.
I know what I should do, my head tells me the right thing to do to stop myself from this pain but I always, always do the opposite. It’s just how I’m built. Honestly I want to say it’s the hopeless romantic in me but I think I’m just really stupid and naive. I want to believe everything you say to me and think that things will change but they never will. I’ll never be important to you like I once was. But when I try to walk away you pull me back and everything starts again. You don’t want me but no one else can have me. You’re unfair and extremely cruel. Everyday my heart breaks more. I would have never thought things would come to this, ever.
So you asked for some advice annon and you shall receive.
What does one do when the people you thought were your friends/ people you cared about decide to tell you to fuck yourself and bail.
After carefully analyzing your situation, trying to see it from both perspectives, you’ve noticed that…
Love this! Really needed to read this right now too, haha.
I’m trying so hard not to cry over this cause you’re really not worth the tears but my heart hurts so badly…I really want to crawl in a ball and die.
Me. All the time. Lonely and anxious, book in hand. I’m always looking for something else but I do not know where to find it.
I don’t know if I should hate you or love you; everyday I change my mind. This is all very confusing.
I must have been really emotional today because I bawled my eyes out during 3 of the Harry Potter movies which I’ve seen at least 4 times each.
I really wish you’d jump in front of a train, you ruined my life and I hate you. I’m very angry, clearly.
I just wish I was too high to function right now so I could get myself to fall asleep.
Bye.
